I keep coming up with the titles for my blog posts without actually writing, or even really fully thinking out what all I am going got say. I don't know why, but I have more fun with the titles and the ones that I come up with seem catchy and/or promising of a great post to follow. I should look into seeing if I could get a job doing that (speaking of jobs, I'm filling out applications as I write this...yay).
I met up with two friends from high school that I had not talked to in a while and we had lunch and talked. It was nice to be able to chat with friends outside of messages via Facebook or the occasional text. The conversation went from light to a bit heavy, as I feel tends to happen when friends are talking. It is nice to know that I have people that as willing to hear me complain, although it does not stop the feeling that I should truly have nothing to complain about seeing as I am essentially a spoiled brat. All the same, it is a nice feeling knowing that it is there even if I am not going to use it.
One of the things that always comes to my mind when I talk with friends from high school, is the 'what if' scenarios. I know it does not help anything thinking of what could have been, but my mind still wanders there. The thing that I usually think about in terms of "what ifs" is my mentality in high school and into my early college career. I was so focused on one thing that I thought I wanted to do. I had thought about other things, but I never thought they could be something I could seriously do. I often think, what if I had a much more open mind about what I wanted to do with my life when I was just a teenager? Of course, the positive side of it is that I would be doing something right now, even if it isn't anything that I terribly enjoyed.
The negative, is that I would be where I am right now. Out of college and unemployed. Yes. I think that I am at the most negative possible situation right now in terms of career/future choices/decisions/positions/whatever it may be.
Perhaps I am being a little over dramatic, but seeing as almost every post this month (and really the past year) has made some sort of mention to having a job, getting a job, or figuring out my future, well it is obviously something that is on my mind. And since I do not have anything else to distract me like work or school, it has, unfortunately, taken over all of my thoughts and, obviously, this blog.
It makes me sad that I am so wrapped up in thinking about getting a job and feeling a bit worthless because I do not have one so much that it is almost all that I am blogging about. I wanted to do BEDA so that I could write thoughtful blog posts and to stretch my writing muscles, so that I eventually could actually write something worth reading. Sure, I sort of need something to be an outlet for this kind of thing, but I don't need it to take over and if it is going to take over, it needs to not be in ranty blog form every time. So, starting with tomorrow's post, I will be moving on to talking about other things. I will dedicate a bit more time and definitely more thought into these posts and hopefully, something will come of it.
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