Playing Catch-up

The end of the year is drawing near. There are only two more days left in it. I always find that I contradict myself in making New Year's Resolutions because I think it is dumb to say "I want to get in shape" or "I want to be more outgoing" because what is stopping you from trying to start that at any ole time. Instead, I started to set goals for myself at the beginning of each year. They are close to resolutions, but not quite.

The year 2012 was no different. I set myself quite a few goals at the beginning of this year and subsequently  at the beginning of each month. I reached some of them, exceeded a few of them, and failed most of them. It did not bother me that I did not meet most of my goals because I knew that I reached other ones and that overall, yes, I did have quite a successful year despite not doing everything that I had hoped to.

But with that in mind, I think I still felt the push to try a bit harder in reaching them. At the beginning of this month, I knew that I would not be accomplishing my goal of running a marathon. I wouldn't even get to the halfway point with running a half marathon, so I decided I should aim for running 10 miles without stopping. It seemed reasonable enough to me and it would have been possible if I set up my running schedule to span over longer than 4 weeks. I tried to cram so much into a short period of time that I ended up straining my Achilles tendon and not running at all for a week and half. So even when it comes to reaching my own goals, I procrastinate and I find myself playing catch-up as the deadline approaches. It worked when I had a research paper due the next morning, not so much when I wanted to achieve some goal that will better myself.

And while this may be a terrible habit that I have, I feel that I developed it because it is a feeling that I have concerning my life overall. I always feel that I am falling behind someone else or something else or that ideal person that I should be. Sure, I should always strive for something great and push towards a better me or to reach a particular goal, but I don't think I should always try to be catching up to something. I should be establishing my steps towards it and see it as I am going forward not just being another step behind and I would have to scramble to get to that point.

So, as anti-New Year's resolutions I am, I will not be playing catch-up in 2013.

Waiting...

The idea of waiting for your life to start is the most absurd thing on the planet. There is almost a mentality that grips people, particularly I feel the academic minded or focused people and that is your life will not start, and therefore you can not possibly be happy or do anything with yourself until you reach that point.

But when you think about it, you will not know what to do once you reach that point. If while you are in elementary school, you are preparing for middle school and then there you are preparing for high school. Once you are in high school, you are preparing to off to college and then in college you prepare yourself for graduate or professional school. And then from there you prepare yourself for a job. And then even then you keep preparing yourself for a better job and then once you have it, what do you do? This is where your life is supposed to start, right? You could not have possibly gotten anything out of what you have done other than preparation for this point and then what? All you have done your entire life is prepare for the next step. Should you prepare now for your death? You spent all of that time preparing for the next step so that your life can start when hello your life has been happening and you have not taken the time to look around and realize it.

The same thing can be said for those that only seek out relationships or a potential spouse and they tell themselves that their lives will not start until they get to that point. If you tell yourself that, whether it is a career, a significant other, purchasing a house, whatever it may be you will not feel like your life has started if you pin it on one specific thing. Because once you reach it, you won't know what else to do with it. Your life won't suddenly start then because it has been happening since you we're born. Stop and realize that every once in a while. Life isn't about preparing yourself for the next stage, it is about experiencing the stage that you are in right now.

So I Went to Europe

And it was awesome. I was going to blog at least a time or two while there, but the internet connection in the hostels were not always the best. But, what I did do was journal each day. Sometimes I got behind by a day or two but each day had at least two pages and a half. It showed me that I could definitely keep up with writing each day if I set the time aside.

Some highlights from the trip (at least the things I feel are not typical like going on top of the Eiffel Tower at night (which was amazing too)) include finally meeting my aunt and one of my cousins that live in Austria. Walking by a guy just as he pulls his pants down to take a picture in Brussels. Meeting a Finnish guy in Madrid who happened to know people that went to UT (I didn't know any of them but still) and then freaking out when he mentioned Half Barrel. Getting off at the wrong stop on the tube in London causing me to practically memorize the map. Going to The Elephant House, the cafe where J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter, and being seated facing the window looking out at the school that inspired Hogwarts.

In short, there were so many times that I was truly awe inspired and even more times that I was geeking out so much on the inside that I was shocked that I was functioning as a normal human being. And I was able to keep track of it through writing, pictures, and videos.

I am really glad that I did journal each day because it was getting to a point when things were running together. It was a month long trip, which some people may consider a long time, but I considered it not that long especially because I ran into so may people that were doing 4, 5, 6 months or even more. But the feeling I had at the end of the trip was that it was too short and at the same time it felt long. I remember being in Paris and thinking back that it was three weeks when I was in London. Those three weeks felt like such a long time because I had done so much during those three weeks. I visited 5 different cities. I saw something new almost each day. I met so many different people from all over the world. Essentially, when I was thinking back on just three weeks time, I realized I had done more then than I had in probably two or three years in terms of seeing and doing different things.

And I still feel that way, except now it feels more intensified. When I sit and think back that I was in Austria exactly a month ago or that I spent my first day in London 6 weeks ago, it blows my mind that it was so close when it feels so far away. While I was there, I had a hard time believing that I was actually in Europe. I almost had to keep reminding myself that I am not at home or anywhere that is close to home because it seemed so unreal that I was finally doing it. By the time I hit Spain, and especially in Madrid when it hit me that it was my last stop, I did not want to leave. It was not just because I would be going home and not seeing new places. I had become so used to all of the traveling that it felt normal. It felt like what I should always be doing.

I also knew that I would be going back to a routine and I hated that idea. The fact that I spent a month without a set routine and I could do whatever I wanted felt amazing. And yes, seeing that I am at home and without a job or school, I could do anything but it is not the same feeling as being out on your own. I realized that is the feeling that I want to keep. Ideally, I would be constantly traveling, but that is not realistic (at least not financially). I think I can keep that feeling by setting up goals that will force myself to do new things or at least break out of the routine.

Mostly though, I need to get out on my own and break away from being dependent on others, whether it is my parents or a school system.

Also, never spending money so I can save enough money to travel for a few months a year.

Don't Break the Chain

I have a problem. And the real problem about my problem is that I can easily fix my problem, but it has not really happened yet. I can't really even explain why I have not fixed it after all this time and as much as I talk about it.

My problem is consistency.

So, I have decided to try out this "Don't Break the Chain" type thing. I've seen it around online and a few vloggers talked about it in their videos. Essentially, you set aside a specific thing with a specific amount of time to do every day or every week. For example, read everyday for one hour. But you do not just say it, you have to have a physical reminder through a calender marking off each day that you complete it with the goal that you do not leave any spaces blank. Therefore, you do not break the chain.

When I first thought about doing this, I was going to do it for the new year, but that never happened. Then, I thought about it again about a month or two ago and decided that perhaps it would be better for this upcoming year, 2013.

Then, I thought about it yet again about a week ago and thought to myself, why do I have to wait for a specific start point? Why not start now? This is just as good as any other day. And if I do not start now, when (or if) I do eventually start, I will be kicking myself for not starting it earlier.

So here it goes. As of July 3, 2012, I will not break the chain for the following:

1. Exercise for 45 minutes everyday.
2. Write for one hour everyday.
3. Work on video type stuff for one hour everyday.
4. Work on/practice languages for one hour everyday.

It all comes down to about four hours a day, which really is not that much time to set aside whether I am working, in school, or (as I am right now) not doing anything at all.

Why these four things?

The exercise part is pretty self explanatory. I semi do this already except it averages to only four times a week. I like the idea of doing something physical everyday. It helps me relieve stress and if anything, I will always know that I am healthy.

Writing is one of my hobbies that I always set aside because I feel that I am not very good at it. Which is a dumb reason because I don't have to be good at something to enjoy it. It's for me. So, whether it is this blog or reviews that I write for myself or, even better, the three story lines that I am working on right now, I will write everyday.

Going along the same lines as the writing, I want to work more on videos. But once again, I am not very good at it and I get self conscious whenever I post a video online. The only way I can get better and grow less self conscious is if I work on it more, which is why I am setting aside an hour for it.

I am fascinated by other languages and growing up bi-lingual causes my brain to already have an ability to pick up on them easily. But, I never worked on it on my own and I never really took advantage of foreign language classes at UT. I know that I can improve a lot on my own by looking over old notes, reading books that I own in other languages, and of course, using the Rosetta Stone program that my dad gave me two years ago. Honestly, that last one will probably the only thing that I do and that's fine.

That's all for now. I need to go print four calenders so I can start this chain!

Diving into New Fandoms

...because my life is not already filled to the max with my current fandoms.

Well, perhaps not the MAX, but I am part of quite a few fandoms and now it is time for me to jump into one that I have avoided specifically for the past three years and when I think about it, probably most of my life. What fandom is this you say? The fandom of...comic books.

At this point, it only makes sense that I attempt to join the world of comic books properly. When I was younger (9 to 12ish, I think), I would watch the cartoon versions of Spiderman, X-men, and Batman all the time. In fact, when I discovered that Spiderman and X-men were available on Netflix, I was a bit too excited for a 22 year old. I've always enjoyed the super hero movies that I watched. And finally, my best friend from college is a big comic book fan.

I'm surprised that I lasted this long.

But, there were a few things holding me back. When you take a look at the comic book world, there is just so much in it. Even if it gets narrowed down to one specific brand or one superhero, there's years of comic books and hundreds of story lines. Where should I start? What are considered the "original" story lines that people always claim that a certain adaptation did "the right way?"

So I asked my friend about a month ago, what should I do to get into comic books and how do I find the "original" stories?

Apparently, there is no way to get the supposed original stories via a comic book because so few people have even touched those comic books, much less read them. At least, this is what she told me (actually I think she may have used the words "privileged to have touched them"). So I said goodbye to reading those original stories via an physical comic book. Instead, she told me to just pick up some comic books and start reading from there. There's so many story lines and there have been countless reboots that you just need to start somewhere.

With that in mind, I went to a flea market and bought 20 comic books that had superheros that I liked or if they had cool looking covers, because sometimes I like pretty things. That was about two weeks ago and I have yet to actually start any. I'm not quite sure what I am waiting for. I've only read Watchmen recently, so that it could be my first jump into comics but I haven't done anything from there.

At some point, I'm just going to jump into it all, which is something that I sometimes have a hard time doing. I want to find the correct way to start something or the path to follow, but that's not how things always work out. You just have to jump in and hope to figure things out along the way. Not just with fandoms or hobbies, but with everything. The fear, or at least the "holding back," won't be helpful. You might as well look like an idiot for a little while instead of not experiencing something at all.

I may blog along the way of my adventures as a first time comic book reader, but most likely it will just be a lot of tweeting instead.

Also, update on my 30 book challenge, I am failing miserably. Apparently, it takes me about 1.5 to 2 days to get through a book. I decided to tweak it a bit. It's now 26 books in 30 (ish) days. The 'ish' being an extra 5 days, give or take. It's still a lot of books in a short amount of time and that was the whole point.

Insanity Takes Many Forms

Alright, well perhaps not true insanity but things that may seem a bit crazy or a bit impossible can take different forms. Whether it is chasing after a dream that people tell you that will never happen or deciding out of the blue to run a marathon, what some consider to be something crazy for one person to do another considers it to be a goal while another sees it as something admirable.

As for me, I am not lofty enough or really even creative enough to come up with something that is truly insane, only a few things that are somewhat insane. It starts with deciding to be indecisive with my future, perhaps that is more stupid than anything else but let's just go with it's just a little insane. Not really insane since it isn't actually an unusual occurrence.

And then my mild insanity moves onto something  bit more short term and it is to read 30 books in 30 days (the list of the books is here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/7100553?shelf=30-book-challenge). Honestly I think I went with this to keep me from reaching an extreme level of insanity as I am not sure what to do with myself now. As I usually either throw myself into the internet or into books, I figured I'll focus more on the book part so that at least I get the feeling that I am accomplishing something. Which the more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that is the real reason I set this goal, however insignificant, for myself. Even if I don't reach the full 30, I am going to keep trying and worst case end up reading perhaps 15 or 20 books. It will still be an accomplishment of something that I may not have done otherwise.

I feel that I am lacking in accomplishments lately. I know that graduating from a university with a Bachelor's Degree is seen as a huge accomplishment, but for some reason I don't feel like it is. Maybe it is because I am stuck right now with some indecisiveness or maybe because I tend to take things for granted. Either way, I feel a pull towards trying to set goals and accomplish things, whether big or small, completely on my own.

So that is what this 30 book challenge is for me. It is an opportunity to lose myself in different worlds, a chance to soak in one of my favorite hobbies, and it is a chance to show myself that I can still finish whatever I set out to achieve.

Recapturing the Summertime Myth

I finally completed my undergraduate career about 10 days ago which means it is now summertime. At least, until I find a job but I figure I deserve some sort of break for now. My last few summers have been dedicated to either taking a summer class or prepping for some standardized test, so this should be a great time to enjoy myself until I head off to the "real world" where summer breaks seemingly no longer exist.

But there's a bit of a problem. I don't feel like it is really summertime. Granted the first 2 weeks of so for summer break, I always sit around doing nothing just catching up on TV shows and more importantly catching up on my reading. I have plenty of things planned for the summer but I just don't have that same feel of excitement that comes with being on break. At first, I thought it was because I was in the initial stage of break where I sit around, but that's not it.

I think it's the dread that this will be my last summer ever and therefore, the pressure to make it the best summer ever. I don't doubt that I can make it great but I don't have the same feeling that always came with the anticipation of summertime fun. That got me thinking, why does it have to be summertime when you're young that has all of this fun? Why can't it be springtime as a young adult or wintertime at middle age? It's always youth with summertime. 

It's this great myth that this is the time to be young and have fun because apparently, it can't happen at any other time. It has to be now from late May to early September. This sudden magical time that really does not have that much more of a significance other than the weather ranging from great to unbearably hot (perks of living in the south). Sure there's all that time off but there were always things to do that were school related, whether it was taking classes while in college or plowing through the summer reading list before that (aah, I miss those summer reading lists). 

So, why not always have that summertime feeling? I know I can't head to an outdoor pool in the middle of winter, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my time and spend time with friends.

Maybe I am holding onto summertime the same way I am holding onto being carefree and staying young. It's not that I don't want responsibility, it's that I don't want to be boring. I don't want to slip into a state of mediocrity and then become boring. And yes, I know that everyone has to "grow-up at some point" but why does that have to be now? Can't it be after my extended summer break of several years? I think it can be because there's no real reason why it can't be.

Now I'm off to the park so that I can feel the summertime flowing through me. 

A new..year?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know. 2012 is pretty much a month old and maybe I should have posted this about 3 weeks ago or something along those lines but I didn't. I'm posting this now.

Part of it is because I get a bit irritated by the fact that people always decide to wait for the new year to start something new or making those ever so popular new year's resolutions that fall by the way side by...well by about this point in the year. I tend to try to avoid this. I mean I do make goals for myself at the beginning of each year but it's not because I feel like it is the best time to start something new but it is easy to use it as a measurement for my goals. If there is something that I want to accomplish, I would rather it be now than later. I'm a procrastinating slacker as is, I don't need to add the perception that new goals should only be set at certain points.

Nonetheless, here are my goals for the next eleven or so months. I didn't even come up with all of them within the first day or two of the year so I feel like I'm behind in them but oh well.

1. Complete the 50 book challenge.

2. Run a marathon.

3. Get into graduate school.

4. Finish my novel.

5. Make 35 YouTube videos.

6. Go to Playlist LIVE, VidCon, and LeakyCon.

7. Visit 3 new countries.

8. Become more fluent in Spanish.

9. Get better at playing guitar.

10. Complete the 100 movie challenge.

Several of these goals are ones that I have set for myself pretty much every year for about the past 4 years. The book challenge, the YouTube videos, playing guitar, and going to cons has always been there. What makes this year different as opposed to the previous years? Honestly, nothing. I don't feel like I am significantly different from last year or even from the year before. I would like to think that I am more motivated this year. In fact, I have already read four books, made one video, downloaded a learn guitar app on my iPad (it's broken up into lessons and everything!) and will be getting enough money within the next 3 weeks to register for LeakyCon. So at least when it comes to my repeated goals, I am at least starting a few of them.

There are the goals that are building upon things in the past such as running a marathon, getting into grad school, finishing my novel, and becoming more fluent in Spanish. I always say that I want to get in shape/lose weight, but I never do so instead I am aiming for something tangible and specific like running a marathon. We'll see if I follow through. I am finally finishing undergrad so I'm heading to grad school which is a scary process (but more on that in another blog post). I started a novel during NaNoWriMo and even though I failed at reaching 50,000 words, I want to keep writing and finish writing the novel. And after taking Spanish classes for a year and half, I want to build on it so yeah.

The new ones here are visiting new countries and the 100 movie challenge. I always liked the idea of travel but I have never really done it that much. I know that I do not exactly have that much money but I think that if I don't spend money on silly things and look for deals/not be too picky...I think I can manage it. Another thing that we'll have to wait and see.

And that's about it for now. I like how I basically contradicted myself from the beginning of this blog to the middle of it to the end. Oops.