Insanity Takes Many Forms

Alright, well perhaps not true insanity but things that may seem a bit crazy or a bit impossible can take different forms. Whether it is chasing after a dream that people tell you that will never happen or deciding out of the blue to run a marathon, what some consider to be something crazy for one person to do another considers it to be a goal while another sees it as something admirable.

As for me, I am not lofty enough or really even creative enough to come up with something that is truly insane, only a few things that are somewhat insane. It starts with deciding to be indecisive with my future, perhaps that is more stupid than anything else but let's just go with it's just a little insane. Not really insane since it isn't actually an unusual occurrence.

And then my mild insanity moves onto something  bit more short term and it is to read 30 books in 30 days (the list of the books is here: http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/7100553?shelf=30-book-challenge). Honestly I think I went with this to keep me from reaching an extreme level of insanity as I am not sure what to do with myself now. As I usually either throw myself into the internet or into books, I figured I'll focus more on the book part so that at least I get the feeling that I am accomplishing something. Which the more I think about it the more I come to the conclusion that is the real reason I set this goal, however insignificant, for myself. Even if I don't reach the full 30, I am going to keep trying and worst case end up reading perhaps 15 or 20 books. It will still be an accomplishment of something that I may not have done otherwise.

I feel that I am lacking in accomplishments lately. I know that graduating from a university with a Bachelor's Degree is seen as a huge accomplishment, but for some reason I don't feel like it is. Maybe it is because I am stuck right now with some indecisiveness or maybe because I tend to take things for granted. Either way, I feel a pull towards trying to set goals and accomplish things, whether big or small, completely on my own.

So that is what this 30 book challenge is for me. It is an opportunity to lose myself in different worlds, a chance to soak in one of my favorite hobbies, and it is a chance to show myself that I can still finish whatever I set out to achieve.

Recapturing the Summertime Myth

I finally completed my undergraduate career about 10 days ago which means it is now summertime. At least, until I find a job but I figure I deserve some sort of break for now. My last few summers have been dedicated to either taking a summer class or prepping for some standardized test, so this should be a great time to enjoy myself until I head off to the "real world" where summer breaks seemingly no longer exist.

But there's a bit of a problem. I don't feel like it is really summertime. Granted the first 2 weeks of so for summer break, I always sit around doing nothing just catching up on TV shows and more importantly catching up on my reading. I have plenty of things planned for the summer but I just don't have that same feel of excitement that comes with being on break. At first, I thought it was because I was in the initial stage of break where I sit around, but that's not it.

I think it's the dread that this will be my last summer ever and therefore, the pressure to make it the best summer ever. I don't doubt that I can make it great but I don't have the same feeling that always came with the anticipation of summertime fun. That got me thinking, why does it have to be summertime when you're young that has all of this fun? Why can't it be springtime as a young adult or wintertime at middle age? It's always youth with summertime. 

It's this great myth that this is the time to be young and have fun because apparently, it can't happen at any other time. It has to be now from late May to early September. This sudden magical time that really does not have that much more of a significance other than the weather ranging from great to unbearably hot (perks of living in the south). Sure there's all that time off but there were always things to do that were school related, whether it was taking classes while in college or plowing through the summer reading list before that (aah, I miss those summer reading lists). 

So, why not always have that summertime feeling? I know I can't head to an outdoor pool in the middle of winter, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my time and spend time with friends.

Maybe I am holding onto summertime the same way I am holding onto being carefree and staying young. It's not that I don't want responsibility, it's that I don't want to be boring. I don't want to slip into a state of mediocrity and then become boring. And yes, I know that everyone has to "grow-up at some point" but why does that have to be now? Can't it be after my extended summer break of several years? I think it can be because there's no real reason why it can't be.

Now I'm off to the park so that I can feel the summertime flowing through me.