Yesterday, I turned 24. It was not anything particularly spectacular, but it was nice enough. Fortunately for me, the entire country decided to celebrate my birthday with me, so I didn't have class or work, which really was the nicest thing of all if we're going to be honest here.
And now that I have started my new year, I think about the past year and how many ups and downs I had with being 23. 23 started out on an incredible high. I went to Europe within the first 6 weeks of being 23. It set very high hopes for that year, even though I knew that I would never reach that same high, at least not within that year.
But then, as somewhat documented via blog posts, I hit some severe lows. Sure, they were not the most terrible things that could have happened to me, and that seems so much more obvious in hindsight, but at the time, it felt like the lowest low.
There is nothing like living at home, unemployed, out of school, and constantly feeling like a failure because you can't figure out exactly what you want to do/how to get to the point of doing what you want to do to send you into feelings of depression. I didn't realize it that it was depression at the time. I thought that I was being a brat and feeling sorry for myself, which I guess it's partly true, but it did not become so obvious to me that it was coupled with depression until we got our new puppy, Nymeria, and I found myself not being sad anymore. Sure, at that point I had been accepted into the MBA program, but that feeling or uselessness and just being sad went away with a new puppy.
Finally landing a job is probably another highlight of my year. It felt more like relief than anything else. I was relieved that there was someone that thought that I could be of use. It is going pretty well so far, at least I think so. It will probably get itself its own post in a few weeks (or months following my usual blogging trend). School is alright so far. Then again, I have yet to have a test or anything major graded, so I will reserve my judgement for my year as a 24 year old.
But, through the ups and downs, moments of relief and panic, feeling hopeless or hopeful, I learned a lot about myself during 23. I learned that I need to instill an awful lot of self discipline if I were ever to become a freelancer of any sort (I won't). I learned that as much as I saw and put out the vibe that I do not care what others think or what society's standards are, those expectations and comments still get to me if I am not feeling confident enough in myself. I learned that having a narrow perspective and being stubborn can be damaging to my future. I learned that I shouldn't give up on a dream because it seems "out there." I learned that traveling truly is my passion and I want to find a way to always do it and to make sure that everyone I know does it too. I learned that an adventure does not have to just be wandering the streets a foreign country, but can also be going to a local store you never visited or striking up a conversation with an unlikely stranger. Most importantly, I learned to not be too hard on myself. Sure I have moments of being lazy and not doing what I should be, but most of the time, I am trying my best and that I will eventually get to where I want to be as long as I don't tear myself down.
Here's to being 24.
