The end of the year is drawing near. There are only two more days left in it. I always find that I contradict myself in making New Year's Resolutions because I think it is dumb to say "I want to get in shape" or "I want to be more outgoing" because what is stopping you from trying to start that at any ole time. Instead, I started to set goals for myself at the beginning of each year. They are close to resolutions, but not quite.
The year 2012 was no different. I set myself quite a few goals at the beginning of this year and subsequently at the beginning of each month. I reached some of them, exceeded a few of them, and failed most of them. It did not bother me that I did not meet most of my goals because I knew that I reached other ones and that overall, yes, I did have quite a successful year despite not doing everything that I had hoped to.
But with that in mind, I think I still felt the push to try a bit harder in reaching them. At the beginning of this month, I knew that I would not be accomplishing my goal of running a marathon. I wouldn't even get to the halfway point with running a half marathon, so I decided I should aim for running 10 miles without stopping. It seemed reasonable enough to me and it would have been possible if I set up my running schedule to span over longer than 4 weeks. I tried to cram so much into a short period of time that I ended up straining my Achilles tendon and not running at all for a week and half. So even when it comes to reaching my own goals, I procrastinate and I find myself playing catch-up as the deadline approaches. It worked when I had a research paper due the next morning, not so much when I wanted to achieve some goal that will better myself.
And while this may be a terrible habit that I have, I feel that I developed it because it is a feeling that I have concerning my life overall. I always feel that I am falling behind someone else or something else or that ideal person that I should be. Sure, I should always strive for something great and push towards a better me or to reach a particular goal, but I don't think I should always try to be catching up to something. I should be establishing my steps towards it and see it as I am going forward not just being another step behind and I would have to scramble to get to that point.
So, as anti-New Year's resolutions I am, I will not be playing catch-up in 2013.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Waiting...
The idea of waiting for your life to start is the most absurd thing on the planet. There is almost a mentality that grips people, particularly I feel the academic minded or focused people and that is your life will not start, and therefore you can not possibly be happy or do anything with yourself until you reach that point.
But when you think about it, you will not know what to do once you reach that point. If while you are in elementary school, you are preparing for middle school and then there you are preparing for high school. Once you are in high school, you are preparing to off to college and then in college you prepare yourself for graduate or professional school. And then from there you prepare yourself for a job. And then even then you keep preparing yourself for a better job and then once you have it, what do you do? This is where your life is supposed to start, right? You could not have possibly gotten anything out of what you have done other than preparation for this point and then what? All you have done your entire life is prepare for the next step. Should you prepare now for your death? You spent all of that time preparing for the next step so that your life can start when hello your life has been happening and you have not taken the time to look around and realize it.
The same thing can be said for those that only seek out relationships or a potential spouse and they tell themselves that their lives will not start until they get to that point. If you tell yourself that, whether it is a career, a significant other, purchasing a house, whatever it may be you will not feel like your life has started if you pin it on one specific thing. Because once you reach it, you won't know what else to do with it. Your life won't suddenly start then because it has been happening since you we're born. Stop and realize that every once in a while. Life isn't about preparing yourself for the next stage, it is about experiencing the stage that you are in right now.
But when you think about it, you will not know what to do once you reach that point. If while you are in elementary school, you are preparing for middle school and then there you are preparing for high school. Once you are in high school, you are preparing to off to college and then in college you prepare yourself for graduate or professional school. And then from there you prepare yourself for a job. And then even then you keep preparing yourself for a better job and then once you have it, what do you do? This is where your life is supposed to start, right? You could not have possibly gotten anything out of what you have done other than preparation for this point and then what? All you have done your entire life is prepare for the next step. Should you prepare now for your death? You spent all of that time preparing for the next step so that your life can start when hello your life has been happening and you have not taken the time to look around and realize it.
The same thing can be said for those that only seek out relationships or a potential spouse and they tell themselves that their lives will not start until they get to that point. If you tell yourself that, whether it is a career, a significant other, purchasing a house, whatever it may be you will not feel like your life has started if you pin it on one specific thing. Because once you reach it, you won't know what else to do with it. Your life won't suddenly start then because it has been happening since you we're born. Stop and realize that every once in a while. Life isn't about preparing yourself for the next stage, it is about experiencing the stage that you are in right now.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
So I Went to Europe
And it was awesome. I was going to blog at least a time or two while there, but the internet connection in the hostels were not always the best. But, what I did do was journal each day. Sometimes I got behind by a day or two but each day had at least two pages and a half. It showed me that I could definitely keep up with writing each day if I set the time aside.
Some highlights from the trip (at least the things I feel are not typical like going on top of the Eiffel Tower at night (which was amazing too)) include finally meeting my aunt and one of my cousins that live in Austria. Walking by a guy just as he pulls his pants down to take a picture in Brussels. Meeting a Finnish guy in Madrid who happened to know people that went to UT (I didn't know any of them but still) and then freaking out when he mentioned Half Barrel. Getting off at the wrong stop on the tube in London causing me to practically memorize the map. Going to The Elephant House, the cafe where J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter, and being seated facing the window looking out at the school that inspired Hogwarts.
In short, there were so many times that I was truly awe inspired and even more times that I was geeking out so much on the inside that I was shocked that I was functioning as a normal human being. And I was able to keep track of it through writing, pictures, and videos.
I am really glad that I did journal each day because it was getting to a point when things were running together. It was a month long trip, which some people may consider a long time, but I considered it not that long especially because I ran into so may people that were doing 4, 5, 6 months or even more. But the feeling I had at the end of the trip was that it was too short and at the same time it felt long. I remember being in Paris and thinking back that it was three weeks when I was in London. Those three weeks felt like such a long time because I had done so much during those three weeks. I visited 5 different cities. I saw something new almost each day. I met so many different people from all over the world. Essentially, when I was thinking back on just three weeks time, I realized I had done more then than I had in probably two or three years in terms of seeing and doing different things.
And I still feel that way, except now it feels more intensified. When I sit and think back that I was in Austria exactly a month ago or that I spent my first day in London 6 weeks ago, it blows my mind that it was so close when it feels so far away. While I was there, I had a hard time believing that I was actually in Europe. I almost had to keep reminding myself that I am not at home or anywhere that is close to home because it seemed so unreal that I was finally doing it. By the time I hit Spain, and especially in Madrid when it hit me that it was my last stop, I did not want to leave. It was not just because I would be going home and not seeing new places. I had become so used to all of the traveling that it felt normal. It felt like what I should always be doing.
I also knew that I would be going back to a routine and I hated that idea. The fact that I spent a month without a set routine and I could do whatever I wanted felt amazing. And yes, seeing that I am at home and without a job or school, I could do anything but it is not the same feeling as being out on your own. I realized that is the feeling that I want to keep. Ideally, I would be constantly traveling, but that is not realistic (at least not financially). I think I can keep that feeling by setting up goals that will force myself to do new things or at least break out of the routine.
Mostly though, I need to get out on my own and break away from being dependent on others, whether it is my parents or a school system.
Also, never spending money so I can save enough money to travel for a few months a year.
Some highlights from the trip (at least the things I feel are not typical like going on top of the Eiffel Tower at night (which was amazing too)) include finally meeting my aunt and one of my cousins that live in Austria. Walking by a guy just as he pulls his pants down to take a picture in Brussels. Meeting a Finnish guy in Madrid who happened to know people that went to UT (I didn't know any of them but still) and then freaking out when he mentioned Half Barrel. Getting off at the wrong stop on the tube in London causing me to practically memorize the map. Going to The Elephant House, the cafe where J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter, and being seated facing the window looking out at the school that inspired Hogwarts.
In short, there were so many times that I was truly awe inspired and even more times that I was geeking out so much on the inside that I was shocked that I was functioning as a normal human being. And I was able to keep track of it through writing, pictures, and videos.
I am really glad that I did journal each day because it was getting to a point when things were running together. It was a month long trip, which some people may consider a long time, but I considered it not that long especially because I ran into so may people that were doing 4, 5, 6 months or even more. But the feeling I had at the end of the trip was that it was too short and at the same time it felt long. I remember being in Paris and thinking back that it was three weeks when I was in London. Those three weeks felt like such a long time because I had done so much during those three weeks. I visited 5 different cities. I saw something new almost each day. I met so many different people from all over the world. Essentially, when I was thinking back on just three weeks time, I realized I had done more then than I had in probably two or three years in terms of seeing and doing different things.
And I still feel that way, except now it feels more intensified. When I sit and think back that I was in Austria exactly a month ago or that I spent my first day in London 6 weeks ago, it blows my mind that it was so close when it feels so far away. While I was there, I had a hard time believing that I was actually in Europe. I almost had to keep reminding myself that I am not at home or anywhere that is close to home because it seemed so unreal that I was finally doing it. By the time I hit Spain, and especially in Madrid when it hit me that it was my last stop, I did not want to leave. It was not just because I would be going home and not seeing new places. I had become so used to all of the traveling that it felt normal. It felt like what I should always be doing.
I also knew that I would be going back to a routine and I hated that idea. The fact that I spent a month without a set routine and I could do whatever I wanted felt amazing. And yes, seeing that I am at home and without a job or school, I could do anything but it is not the same feeling as being out on your own. I realized that is the feeling that I want to keep. Ideally, I would be constantly traveling, but that is not realistic (at least not financially). I think I can keep that feeling by setting up goals that will force myself to do new things or at least break out of the routine.
Mostly though, I need to get out on my own and break away from being dependent on others, whether it is my parents or a school system.
Also, never spending money so I can save enough money to travel for a few months a year.
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