On being Egyptian

For a long time now I have been trying to articulate my feelings towards what has happened and what is continuing to happen in Egypt. Which is ironic in the sense that I always, always, ALWAYS seem to have something to say about everything (I sort of pride myself on being on expert on everything). But this was something that struck me from so many angles and a simple reaction did not seem like it was particularly appropriate because my feelings and thoughts about it were just not that simple.

When the protests first started, not many people seemed to care. It was just some dispute over in the Middle East. Those crazy Arabs! But then it grew and it captured the attention of the west. Then suddenly everyone became an expert on Egypt and was deeply concerned with their continual strife. Ok that’s nice. Some people started asking me how I feel about it since my family is from there. I would say a few things about it, staying pretty vague. I just did not want to get into it.

Honestly, I did not want to talk about it to an American (I mean this in the nicest way possible). When it first started, I had my fair share of talking to Egyptians about it that I disagreed with and that frustrated me so I did not want to talk to someone who may or may not have the best interests of Egypt at heart because that would frustrate me even more. I know that there are quite a few Americans that care for what happens in the rest of the world and human rights and such but there are even more that do not and I did not want to get tangled up with them so I felt it was best for me to stay out of it.

But that was not really the only reason.

I have always been very proud of my heritage. I enjoy the fact that my ancestors built the only wonder of the world that is still standing. I love so many aspects of my culture. I love the fact that I can speak and understand Arabic when most people cannot. But I never felt as proud to say that I am Egyptian—or at least not as much as I should have. I would always say that “my parents are from Egypt” and not always that “I’m Egyptian.” (And that’s even if it comes up. I do not “look the part” and I have a name that if you are not Middle Eastern…you probably will not catch that it is of Middle Eastern origin so I never bother with it.)

I have a few friends that have to hang the flag of their country up in their rooms (Egyptian or otherwise)—in fact they insist and obsess upon it but I never felt the desire to. I have my papyrus paper with the pyramids and sphinx up and my Coptic cross because those were my points of pride—the ancient culture and my faith that was uniquely Egyptian for me. It’s a part of the reason I am religious as I am because my religion is not just about my faith but a connection to my heritage. But I never felt like that about modern Egypt. I tried explaining that to someone once and they were taken aback like “why do you not care about being Egyptian that seems like a really cool thing.”

I’ll tell you why. Actually I don’t feel like I really need to. Because unless you were living under a rock, you know how it was in Egypt before these protests started and that was not something I could be proud of. I could not be proud of Copts being discriminated against. I could not be proud of election results that always came back “95% yes.” I could not be proud of so many people living in extreme poverty and nothing being done about it. I could not be proud of any of that.

But now. Now, I am proud. So proud that my brothers and sisters in Egypt stood up for themselves. Proud that they got rid of a dictator through non-violence. So proud that the Christians made circles around the Muslims while they prayed and vice versa. Proud that they chanted things like “Eed Wahda” (one hand). Proud that they have given hope to so many other countries in the Middle East. So proud that “Egyptians changed the world” because after all that is what we are best at doing.

I am proud to say I'm Egyptian. And I seriously need to find a flag to drape in my room.

Keeping up with Things

I tend to have a hard time keeping up with things (case in point see this blog). I never really mean to do it. It's true that I sometimes get busy with things, but honestly am I always busy ever moment of every day not to keep up with things like a workout (even if it is 15 minutes), a blog, or even my YouTube subscriptions? No. So most of the time it tends to be a silly things that hinder me from keeping up with things.

I have this mentality, and yes I know it is stupid, that if I can't do a lot of something at one time then there is no point of me doing it. So if I can't workout today for the full hour or hour and a half...there's no point of me doing it that day. Or if I can't watch all the videos that are in sub box for the day, there's no point in starting I'll just catch up with all of them later (yeah that one doesn't even make sense on any level but it still goes through my head and I DON'T KNOW WHY). Or if I can't get through this book in an afternoon I'll just read it another day when I the whole afternoon free.

The worst part about all of this is those examples I gave are all my hobbies! I love reading. I quote YouTubers all the time. And I actually enjoy working out (ok maybe just that feeling afterwards). But yet I put them off to do pointless things like read my Facebook feed or flip through to see if anything is on TV even though there is very little that is on TV that I ever like.

So now I add blogging to the list of things that I enjoy doing but do not keep up with. I hope that I can change this about myself and sometimes I feel like I am getting better at it...other days not so much. A real measure of whether or not I am changing this about myself though—how often I post here. :-)

In which I start blogging

Why hello there. If you're reading this, you're probably also the same person who typed this because let's be honest here, there probably won't be too many readers of this blog. And you know what? I'm ok with that.

Back in middle school and the early years of high school, I had a LiveJournal and a GreatestJournal account. I updated both fairly regularly but soon found myself drawn more towards GreatestJournal. I think it was because at that time I could have more avatars to chose from for the particular blog post. Whatever. The point is that I posted there often and had about two people that "followed" it, an online friend and an IRL friend and I was fine with that then. But then GreatestJournal disappeared off of the face of the Internet (I forget why) and my blogging days were over.

I tried doing the whole Vlogging thing on YouTube (more on that later) and I kept telling myself to post more on YouTube and to start up another blog. But each time, I wouldn't simply because I said to myself "no one else will see it so what's the point." I don't really know why this point bothered/hindered my from blogging or vlogging but it did even though I had gotten over it many years ago with my GreatestJournal venture so why was it a problem now? Honestly, I have no idea. I know everyone always says you should do these sort of things for yourself but come on now, everyone wants some feedback and recognition. So now I move past the notion of others viewing my blog posts.

If people read and comment on them, then people read and comment on them. If they don't then they don't but I figured I would give it a shot because I really do enjoy the feeling of blogging and getting my thoughts out there even if they're just for me to read back on a few days, months, or even years later.