That's a long title for a post, but I felt that it was necessary. A little over a month ago, there has been a new addition to our household and as you may have guessed from the title, it is a puppy. My brother found her at a shelter and decided to get her. A few weeks later he decided that she should live with us in our house instead of just with him at his apartment. I really don't know what he was thinking having her locked in his apartment for a good chunk of the day as she is a puppy, but he did have some help in form of a play pen. A play pen that became useless approximately a week after she was brought to our house as she had gotten too big for it.
He claimed that she was mostly housebroken, already reacts to her name (Nymeria), and was 3 months old when he got her from the shelter. All of these things turned out to be untrue, granted that last one was not his fault so much as they were obviously clueless at the shelter. It turns out that now, about 2 months after he got her from the shelter, she has yet to grow her 3 month old teeth. So she was probably about 4 weeks old when he got her..and then would leave her alone sometimes for hours at a time. As I have grown attached to her the past month or so, thinking about this makes me really sad, which is part of the reason why I said what I said in the title.
But, getting too emotional over my puppy is the least of the reasonings. No, there are quite a few more and they are a bit greater of indications than that one. It is tough taking care of a puppy. Taking her out to use the bathroom, cleaning up her messes, making sure she doesn't chew on the furniture, training her to do simple things, and of course spending almost all of my time with her, because ohmyGod why would I leave that poor little baby all by herself, she'll get sad. So it's hard and I feel guilty leaving her alone. I don't even want to imagine how hard it would be with a human baby and OHMYGOD the guilt to come with that if I ever left the baby alone.
Sure, I may be overreacting but, I don't think I am too far off. I mean really. I am struggling with this puppy and I don't have a job and am currently not in school. Fortunately, by the time the semester starts again in August, she will be a bit older and things won't be as difficult. But, man this responsibility and feeling guilty and not knowing if the people I am leaving her alone with will take care of her like I do (keep in mind, these 'people' I am referring to are my parents) is only going to be intensified by 5000% with a child. And with that, I know I can not possibly be ready for that for at least another 10 years. I don't care if by that point I have been married for several years and we feel that there is a gaping hole that needs to be filled in the form of a child, we'll just adopt a puppy until I reach that point.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
That Thing That I Always Wanted to Do
You know how when you sit and think about things that you want to do and wonder why you never actually get around to doing them, even though they are (usually) pretty doable? No? Just me then? Ok.
Well, this is a bit of a problem for me. So much so, that I end up doing nothing at all that I aspire to want to eventually and/or be good at doing, because I do not set aside a few hours a week (or even less in some cases) to work towards said thing. Instead, I look at the daunting task ahead of me and then kick myself a year or so later because I knew that if I had just started on it a little bit a year ago (or two years ago or a few months ago...you get the idea), then I would have conquering said task. Things that are completely within my grasp and that I know that I can completely accomplish because there is nothing blocking the way like the need for a ridiculous amount of money or waiting for some blind luck that will help me get to it. These things become "that thing that I always wanted to do."
You would think that getting past the blockade of needing money and fear of asking my parents for me to do something that they may not be happy about and then jetting off to Europe for a month, would have ended all of this, but it hasn't. The funny thing is that if I am put on the spot at anytime about listing things that I have always wanted to do, I would come up blank (except for the traveling thing because I feel like that is practically a given with me). Recently though, I have been dwelling on a few of those and, the most shocking part is coming up, I have been taking steps towards achieving them.
I know, right? It's crazy!
For the past few weeks, I have been consistently running. Sure, it has not been as many times as I would like, but 2-3 times a week is a lot more often that the average of once ever 2-3 weeks. I think the fact that I am allowing myself to get into it more gradually is much more useful in getting myself back into that habit, and eventually to a marathon, than trying to just throw myself hardcore into it. I also set a bit of running schedule to follow for a few months, so the structure is helping too.
Another thing that I have always wanted to do is to work on my Arabic so that I can become fully fluent. This is one of them that I am constantly kicking myself for because I know that it will not take that much time and effort from me and I would be fluent in a matter of months. Today, I started working in an Arabic textbook and have set myself up a bit of a practice schedule. Again, it isn't as grueling as things I have planned out in the past, but this is the sort of thing that doesn't need intense overload sessions, just consistent small sessions until I reach that level of fluency.
The last thing I am currently working towards is working for some sort of fandom website. I had a chance at that a few years ago when I worked for the Wizrocklopedia, but I sort of blew it. I didn't stay consistent with it and I even had a chance to step in and save the whole thing and I didn't. Now, I am trying my hand at becoming a guest type contributor for LeakyNews. They are looking for a lot of people to fill in their new rewatch segment of the site. I think it is the perfect opportunity for me to start contributing to an online platform that I admire. I know that there is a chance that I may not move on beyond just the rewatch part, but it is something that I am going to try to do. I am planning to write about 30 Rock. So, if anything, I know I will be having a lot of fun doing it. And that's all that matters in the end, right?
Well, this is a bit of a problem for me. So much so, that I end up doing nothing at all that I aspire to want to eventually and/or be good at doing, because I do not set aside a few hours a week (or even less in some cases) to work towards said thing. Instead, I look at the daunting task ahead of me and then kick myself a year or so later because I knew that if I had just started on it a little bit a year ago (or two years ago or a few months ago...you get the idea), then I would have conquering said task. Things that are completely within my grasp and that I know that I can completely accomplish because there is nothing blocking the way like the need for a ridiculous amount of money or waiting for some blind luck that will help me get to it. These things become "that thing that I always wanted to do."
You would think that getting past the blockade of needing money and fear of asking my parents for me to do something that they may not be happy about and then jetting off to Europe for a month, would have ended all of this, but it hasn't. The funny thing is that if I am put on the spot at anytime about listing things that I have always wanted to do, I would come up blank (except for the traveling thing because I feel like that is practically a given with me). Recently though, I have been dwelling on a few of those and, the most shocking part is coming up, I have been taking steps towards achieving them.
I know, right? It's crazy!
For the past few weeks, I have been consistently running. Sure, it has not been as many times as I would like, but 2-3 times a week is a lot more often that the average of once ever 2-3 weeks. I think the fact that I am allowing myself to get into it more gradually is much more useful in getting myself back into that habit, and eventually to a marathon, than trying to just throw myself hardcore into it. I also set a bit of running schedule to follow for a few months, so the structure is helping too.
Another thing that I have always wanted to do is to work on my Arabic so that I can become fully fluent. This is one of them that I am constantly kicking myself for because I know that it will not take that much time and effort from me and I would be fluent in a matter of months. Today, I started working in an Arabic textbook and have set myself up a bit of a practice schedule. Again, it isn't as grueling as things I have planned out in the past, but this is the sort of thing that doesn't need intense overload sessions, just consistent small sessions until I reach that level of fluency.
The last thing I am currently working towards is working for some sort of fandom website. I had a chance at that a few years ago when I worked for the Wizrocklopedia, but I sort of blew it. I didn't stay consistent with it and I even had a chance to step in and save the whole thing and I didn't. Now, I am trying my hand at becoming a guest type contributor for LeakyNews. They are looking for a lot of people to fill in their new rewatch segment of the site. I think it is the perfect opportunity for me to start contributing to an online platform that I admire. I know that there is a chance that I may not move on beyond just the rewatch part, but it is something that I am going to try to do. I am planning to write about 30 Rock. So, if anything, I know I will be having a lot of fun doing it. And that's all that matters in the end, right?
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
What to do Next
Last week, I was accepted into the MBA program at the university where I live. People seem to be excited for me. I'm not. At least, I wasn't at first. Technically, I still am not but it isn't the same sort of lack of excitement.
I know that I am at a bit of crossroads in my life where I am not 100% sure what I want to do (although there are a few options that I am considering and really wanting to pursue), I know that I do not want to be stuck living at home for another two years, with a strong likelihood that it will be more than that. I do not have much of an interest in business and from endless job hunting, I have gathered that degrees have become practically meaningless in the job market. In fact, they have become a deterrent as there have been several positions that I have interviewed for and the person interviewing me shared concerns about me leaving for another position because I have a degree, or that I may be 'bored' with the position. It's incredibly frustrating.
Then, I started to think about what I could do back on a college campus. I can apply for internships that require college credit, because I am back in college. I can work while obtaining the degree, because they are all night courses and I can tell the person interviewing me that I have to stay for at least two years, and that's no guarantee with anyone else they are hiring. I can work on creating things that can be distributed and seen by other people. I can work for the school paper or radio station instead of trying to claw for those jobs in the 'real world' so that I can get some experience. I can study abroad like I always wanted to in undergrad, or at least do an exchange with another school in the US and land an internship in New York or Chicago. If anything, I could even just do this whole MBA thing for a year, land a job, and say goodbye to it with absolutely no qualms. I even looked over the curriculum and it seems like there is a stronger likelihood of becoming bored than becoming stressed over the workload.
Plus, things never work out the way people intend them to. Maybe this is a way for me to do everything I thought to doing in undergrad but didn't due to not knowing about it, being to scared to try, or just not having enough time. If anything, my GPA will be much higher and it will be seemingly more impressive because it's grad school which apparently is some sort of big deal. As long as I eventually reach the same final point, is it really going to matter how I got there?
I know that I am at a bit of crossroads in my life where I am not 100% sure what I want to do (although there are a few options that I am considering and really wanting to pursue), I know that I do not want to be stuck living at home for another two years, with a strong likelihood that it will be more than that. I do not have much of an interest in business and from endless job hunting, I have gathered that degrees have become practically meaningless in the job market. In fact, they have become a deterrent as there have been several positions that I have interviewed for and the person interviewing me shared concerns about me leaving for another position because I have a degree, or that I may be 'bored' with the position. It's incredibly frustrating.
Then, I started to think about what I could do back on a college campus. I can apply for internships that require college credit, because I am back in college. I can work while obtaining the degree, because they are all night courses and I can tell the person interviewing me that I have to stay for at least two years, and that's no guarantee with anyone else they are hiring. I can work on creating things that can be distributed and seen by other people. I can work for the school paper or radio station instead of trying to claw for those jobs in the 'real world' so that I can get some experience. I can study abroad like I always wanted to in undergrad, or at least do an exchange with another school in the US and land an internship in New York or Chicago. If anything, I could even just do this whole MBA thing for a year, land a job, and say goodbye to it with absolutely no qualms. I even looked over the curriculum and it seems like there is a stronger likelihood of becoming bored than becoming stressed over the workload.
Plus, things never work out the way people intend them to. Maybe this is a way for me to do everything I thought to doing in undergrad but didn't due to not knowing about it, being to scared to try, or just not having enough time. If anything, my GPA will be much higher and it will be seemingly more impressive because it's grad school which apparently is some sort of big deal. As long as I eventually reach the same final point, is it really going to matter how I got there?
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