Forgotten again

I keep forgetting about this blog like a homework assignment for a class that I hate. I was reminded of it when my character in the NaNoWriMo novel that I am writing writes up a blog post and I remember that I haven't done that in ages. Of course, at the moment I have pretty much nothing to write about because all of my creative energy is going towards NaNoWriMo. Of course I am losing miserably seeing as it is 17 days in and I am only at 4,000 words. I keep deleting passages and questioning my writing. Add to the fact that the back light of my laptop went out and I had to wait about 10 days to get a monitor, it's been pretty rough. But I am determined to win this year and I am doing the ultimate power writing weekend ever. We'll see how that goes.

Not an awful lot has happened to me lately other than inserting myself into a few new fandoms (such as Doctor Who and The Hunger Games trilogy...more on those later) and doing the whole school thing. I've seriously been considering getting a Masters degree in Bioethics/Medical Ethics in Europe before heading to medical school. I'm not sure yet but I need to solidify all of that stuff soon.

Other than that, I've had a few ideas for blogs and videos that have been bouncing around my head lately but I haven't made the time to sit down and do them lately. It's quite sad really. But I will get around to it hopefully before finals time but if not, expect an influx of creative (ish) material to come from during the last half of December.

4 years ago today...

...at this exact moment, I had completely finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. In fact I had finished it a few hours earlier, sped off to work and spent my 5 hour shift feeling emotionally spent and trying not to cry while restocking the candy isle at Walgreens.

It is almost strange to me how well I remember that night that I finally got Deathly Hallows as well as the initial feelings that I had while reading it and immediately afterwards. I'm also afraid that I might lose them after years of filling my brain with other things so here goes, my memories from the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I went to the Books-A-Million by my house with my good friend Laura and my little brother. Laura was not very into Harry Potter. She liked the books mostly, actually all, due to me making her read the books during our senior year of high school (it took me three years to convince her to read them!) But she did not consider herself a fanatic and was tagging along as a good friend. I brought my brother with me because he was, and still is, the best free loader anyone has ever seen. I had not read any of the leaked parts of the book online. The only thing I came across, and could not help myself but read, was the first few opening lines in the books because they were on even the legit Harry Potter fan sites and I could not resist.

While I was there I semi-participated in a Harry Potter trivia contest because apparently the older you were, the more likely they wanted to eliminate you so a cute little 8 year old could win it. All I could think of was, this kid probably wasn't even born when I first read Sorcerer's Stone. I also walked around and asked random people the question set from PotterCast about what they thought would happen. I kept that tally sheet for a long time but now I can not seem to find it. Sad. But finally I got my copy and went to the car. I was somewhat afraid of getting the end ruined by some jerk that would flip to the end (like the "Snape killed Dumbledore" fiasco at a few bookstores with Half Blood Prince). More so because I had to drive to Toys R Us and Barnes and Noble so that my brother could pick up their Harry Potter cut outs that had the countdowns on them. I had asked for the one at Books-A-Million almost a month earlier and my brother thought it would be a good idea to do the same thing at other stores so we could have several Harry Potters.

We got home spoiler free and I started reading until about 6 am and then went to sleep woke up around 11 am and started reading more. I was on a tight schedule because I had to finish before work at 5pm. That and the fact that I could not put it down caused me to finish with 30 minutes to spare. So I went to work with my mind swimming with everything that was going on and I could not wait to get home and chat up a storm with people on the message boards.

I really liked my experience with getting Deathly Hallows. It is not particularly unique, I did not really have anyone to share it with (like as I was reading or something), but it still felt very special to me.

I contrast this with my experience with watching the last movie. It was also not particularly unique, but it did not have the same level of impact on me. I think at this point it is because I was not able to fully share it with friends that are fanatical as I am. When I talk about with my fan friends and see other people's reactions, it gives me more an emotional reaction than going to see it with my friends that are not really big fans.

I think another part of it was because I was scared of the direction that the Harry Potter fan base was going after the final book. Turns out, it flourished and got bigger and better. And so now with the end of the movies, I don't think that it will deter the fandom. The movies have never really dictated anything in the past (at least not correctly), so why should they now?

But that is about it. I think this will be my last Harry Potter centered blog for a while just because I will be heading back to UT in another week so there will be a few other things on my mind.

Never too late to Wrock

Almost 24 hours ago, I was driving home from a Harry and the Potters house show that was two hours away. I originally wanted to type this blog immediately when I got home but seeing as it was almost 5 am, I decided to hold off. It was my first ever Harry and the Potters show and on top of that, it was my first ever Wizard Rock show. I had been debating about going to this show. I was not able to make it to the day show and now this was late at night, a good distance away, and I had no one to go with. But then I told myself that there is no way that I am going to miss out on a Harry and the Potters show for these same lame excuses I had in the past. I consider myself to be a big wizard rock fan and have been so for about 4 or 5 years, so the fact that I have never been to a show was a bit embarrassing.

There were a few other bands that were also playing and since it was a house party, there was quite a diverse crowd there. In fact, for a moment I was afraid that I had gone to the wrong place and felt awkward when I walked in . But I quickly found some people that were clearly there to see Harry and the Potters and I instantly made friends with them. It turns out that two out of three actually go to UT. So hooray for new friends that I can actually get to hang out with in the future! We talked as we waited and soon other people spotted us as being the group of people that were clearly there for the Harry and the Potters. Before they started to play, I wandered over to the merch table and bought myself a shirt. I struck up a conversation with Meredith, the girl who was running the merch table, and she was so incredibly nice. She also reminded me of a friend of mine, so I think that was why I just wanted to talk to her for a while. I found it incredibly cool that she had been traveling with them for about five years. It sort of blew my mind and reminded me just how long they had been around. Then proceeded to to take a picture with Paul and Joe. It took me a minute to eventually ask them. I had confined in my new found friends that I wanted to take a picture with them but felt awkward about asking. So every time they would walk by, they'd tell me "here's your chance."

Once they actually got ready to play, we made our way towards the front of the crowd and then they started to play. And oh. My. God. It. Was. AH-MAZING. The crowd was a little crazy seeing as it was a house show, but it didn't take away from any aspect of their performance. Honestly, I don't think anything really could have. Singing along and watching Harry year 4 and Harry year 7 just being absolute rock stars was unbelievable. I just had this great feeling inside watching them perform that I had not gotten before at any other concert or show or house party or anything. I had watched videos of them performing, I had read blogs and stories of their shows, I had even chatted with friends online about them but none of it prepared me for the awesomeness that was seeing Harry and the Potters live. And now I am going to sound absolutely cliche with this, but if you get the chance to see them perform live: DO IT. It is amazing and this blog post certainly does not give it justice.

Afterwards, I made my way back to the merch table and I bought a button, the special edition vinyl record they had, and a tour poster. I had pretty much bought one of everything, except for the albums because I already had those. In total I spent $38 and I just thought to myself, I guess it's a good thing I am not going to LeakyCon because I would have used up all the money that I had just to buy merch. I had Paul and Joe sign the record and poster and then talked with them for a bit. I don't know what it was but after feeling awkward to even say hi and get a picture with them earlier, now it was just like it was nothing. Maybe there's something about rocking out and singing "Spew" and the "the bus don't go to Hogwarts, you got to take the train" that just knocks those walls of awkwardness down. I had to, of course, give them hugs too. And these fabled Wizard Rock hugs are just as awesome as they are made out to be. Even the one I got from Joe, who had seriously felt like he had just climbed out of a swimming pool, was awesome. That's right. I got Harry year 4 sweat on me.

There was a funny moment that happened while I and my new friends were getting their signatures. One of them had been commenting about how similar they look and I didn't think anything of it because well they do look pretty similar especially when they are dressed in the same clothes and glasses. Turns out, she didn't know they were brothers because she asks Joe "how do you guys know each other" or "how did you guys meet," something along those lines and Joe replied, "well we have the same parents." I busted out laughing. I was expecting a "oh, we're brothers" answer and while that is essentially what he said, it was just said better and obviously funnier.

I was very much taken aback as to how nice they both were and how willing they were to talk to us about the show, their tour, about themselves, Harry Potter in general, and anything we asked about. And I know everyone always says how nice that they are and how the Wizard Rock community in general is amazing but still. I mean, these are the guys that invented Wizard Rock. They didn't need to be this nice towards us and the fact that this was their second show of the day and they were still very willing to talk to the fans and take pictures and everything, it just blew my mind. These guys are seriously made of awesome.

After all of this, I headed home incredibly happy and full of energy. I was so glad to have finally gone to a Wizard Rock show and seen Harry and the Potters perform. It made me start to think about my fandom experience and how this was basically one of the things on my fandom checklist that I wanted to do and that it more than exceeded my expectations (even though I would give it the grade of an O of course). I began to feel much more positive about the fandom and the direction it will go in the future. I found it ironic that barely two days before, I was typing a blog (the one right before this one) about how I was afraid that the fandom and especially Wizard Rock was going to die away without me experiencing any of it. Well now, not only did I get to experience it but it renewed my spirit that no, these feelings about Harry Potter and about the community that has been created because of it, will never end.

Nostalgia and the Harry Potter Fandom

I have once again been neglecting my blog. This always seems to happen. And it isn't that I don't feel like I have anything to say, it's just that I usually find other means of expressing it or if it is something on my mind and I wait too long, I feel silly blogging about it. But this time, I have something that has just been absolutely consuming my mind: the last Harry Potter movie and more particularly the emotions that are coming along with it.

The thing that specifically triggered this blog today was a blog entry I made in October of 2007 on (wait for it) MySpace. It was entitled "Summer of Potter, college, the adventures that could have been, and the adventures that will be." I was very much unaware of how to concise with my words back then. But in it I talked basically about summer of 2007 and all the awesome things that were going on in the Harry Potter fandom and how that I missed out on all of it. I made a promise to myself that I would not miss out on any more fandom events like the various Cons and wizard rock shows and just generally interacting more with people in the fandom.

But almost four years later, I look back and I did not keep that promise to myself. LeakyCon is this summer and I am not going. I have a feeling that it is going to shoot to the top of my list of fandom events that I regret missing out on. And now, I sit here thinking back on all the things I missed, the experiences I could have had, the fun that I am going to miss out on by not going to LeakyCon, and most of all I am thinking, with dread, that the fandom will begin to die off and that there will not been many more events in the future.

This is what I have been fearing the most and I think it is the reason why I have been feeling so nostalgic about it because in the future there will not even be any more opportunities to create these sort of memories. Then again, can I really call it nostalgia if I never actually had those experiences?

Now I know that everyone keeps saying that this is never going to end and that there are plenty of other crazed fandoms that have continued on long after the supposed end of their era. But it is just what I am afraid of. I hate that I am feeling so negative about this and mostly it is because I never got to experience so many things in the fandom and now I just feel like it is going to slip away.

My hope is that the Harry Potter fandom will continue on. There are still so many great things like the Wizard World of Harry Potter and Pottermore and of course Jo pulling at our hearts saying there is going to be another Harry Potter book. I hope that these things keep the fandom alive and if they do, this time there will be no more "adventures that could have been" there will only be fandom adventures that happened and that were absolutely amazing experiences.

On being Egyptian

For a long time now I have been trying to articulate my feelings towards what has happened and what is continuing to happen in Egypt. Which is ironic in the sense that I always, always, ALWAYS seem to have something to say about everything (I sort of pride myself on being on expert on everything). But this was something that struck me from so many angles and a simple reaction did not seem like it was particularly appropriate because my feelings and thoughts about it were just not that simple.

When the protests first started, not many people seemed to care. It was just some dispute over in the Middle East. Those crazy Arabs! But then it grew and it captured the attention of the west. Then suddenly everyone became an expert on Egypt and was deeply concerned with their continual strife. Ok that’s nice. Some people started asking me how I feel about it since my family is from there. I would say a few things about it, staying pretty vague. I just did not want to get into it.

Honestly, I did not want to talk about it to an American (I mean this in the nicest way possible). When it first started, I had my fair share of talking to Egyptians about it that I disagreed with and that frustrated me so I did not want to talk to someone who may or may not have the best interests of Egypt at heart because that would frustrate me even more. I know that there are quite a few Americans that care for what happens in the rest of the world and human rights and such but there are even more that do not and I did not want to get tangled up with them so I felt it was best for me to stay out of it.

But that was not really the only reason.

I have always been very proud of my heritage. I enjoy the fact that my ancestors built the only wonder of the world that is still standing. I love so many aspects of my culture. I love the fact that I can speak and understand Arabic when most people cannot. But I never felt as proud to say that I am Egyptian—or at least not as much as I should have. I would always say that “my parents are from Egypt” and not always that “I’m Egyptian.” (And that’s even if it comes up. I do not “look the part” and I have a name that if you are not Middle Eastern…you probably will not catch that it is of Middle Eastern origin so I never bother with it.)

I have a few friends that have to hang the flag of their country up in their rooms (Egyptian or otherwise)—in fact they insist and obsess upon it but I never felt the desire to. I have my papyrus paper with the pyramids and sphinx up and my Coptic cross because those were my points of pride—the ancient culture and my faith that was uniquely Egyptian for me. It’s a part of the reason I am religious as I am because my religion is not just about my faith but a connection to my heritage. But I never felt like that about modern Egypt. I tried explaining that to someone once and they were taken aback like “why do you not care about being Egyptian that seems like a really cool thing.”

I’ll tell you why. Actually I don’t feel like I really need to. Because unless you were living under a rock, you know how it was in Egypt before these protests started and that was not something I could be proud of. I could not be proud of Copts being discriminated against. I could not be proud of election results that always came back “95% yes.” I could not be proud of so many people living in extreme poverty and nothing being done about it. I could not be proud of any of that.

But now. Now, I am proud. So proud that my brothers and sisters in Egypt stood up for themselves. Proud that they got rid of a dictator through non-violence. So proud that the Christians made circles around the Muslims while they prayed and vice versa. Proud that they chanted things like “Eed Wahda” (one hand). Proud that they have given hope to so many other countries in the Middle East. So proud that “Egyptians changed the world” because after all that is what we are best at doing.

I am proud to say I'm Egyptian. And I seriously need to find a flag to drape in my room.

Keeping up with Things

I tend to have a hard time keeping up with things (case in point see this blog). I never really mean to do it. It's true that I sometimes get busy with things, but honestly am I always busy ever moment of every day not to keep up with things like a workout (even if it is 15 minutes), a blog, or even my YouTube subscriptions? No. So most of the time it tends to be a silly things that hinder me from keeping up with things.

I have this mentality, and yes I know it is stupid, that if I can't do a lot of something at one time then there is no point of me doing it. So if I can't workout today for the full hour or hour and a half...there's no point of me doing it that day. Or if I can't watch all the videos that are in sub box for the day, there's no point in starting I'll just catch up with all of them later (yeah that one doesn't even make sense on any level but it still goes through my head and I DON'T KNOW WHY). Or if I can't get through this book in an afternoon I'll just read it another day when I the whole afternoon free.

The worst part about all of this is those examples I gave are all my hobbies! I love reading. I quote YouTubers all the time. And I actually enjoy working out (ok maybe just that feeling afterwards). But yet I put them off to do pointless things like read my Facebook feed or flip through to see if anything is on TV even though there is very little that is on TV that I ever like.

So now I add blogging to the list of things that I enjoy doing but do not keep up with. I hope that I can change this about myself and sometimes I feel like I am getting better at it...other days not so much. A real measure of whether or not I am changing this about myself though—how often I post here. :-)

In which I start blogging

Why hello there. If you're reading this, you're probably also the same person who typed this because let's be honest here, there probably won't be too many readers of this blog. And you know what? I'm ok with that.

Back in middle school and the early years of high school, I had a LiveJournal and a GreatestJournal account. I updated both fairly regularly but soon found myself drawn more towards GreatestJournal. I think it was because at that time I could have more avatars to chose from for the particular blog post. Whatever. The point is that I posted there often and had about two people that "followed" it, an online friend and an IRL friend and I was fine with that then. But then GreatestJournal disappeared off of the face of the Internet (I forget why) and my blogging days were over.

I tried doing the whole Vlogging thing on YouTube (more on that later) and I kept telling myself to post more on YouTube and to start up another blog. But each time, I wouldn't simply because I said to myself "no one else will see it so what's the point." I don't really know why this point bothered/hindered my from blogging or vlogging but it did even though I had gotten over it many years ago with my GreatestJournal venture so why was it a problem now? Honestly, I have no idea. I know everyone always says you should do these sort of things for yourself but come on now, everyone wants some feedback and recognition. So now I move past the notion of others viewing my blog posts.

If people read and comment on them, then people read and comment on them. If they don't then they don't but I figured I would give it a shot because I really do enjoy the feeling of blogging and getting my thoughts out there even if they're just for me to read back on a few days, months, or even years later.